Posts tagged ‘humor’

Dutch lesson

Nah, not really. But you guys want to know the Top 5 funniest dutch words of all time (at least in my mind)? Either because of how they are spelled, pronounced or mispronounced, these crack me up every time.

Wanna guess what they mean? I even translated the context for you to make it easy. Find out after the jump.

#5: burger, as in American burger. Nope, nothing to do with McD’s.

o rly?#4: hoor, as in “Ja, hoor!”. Pronounced wh0re. Ya, rly! Of course it means something else! What did you expect? This is a family blog!

#3: monster, as in “Did you gather any monsters in the field today?”

lucifer, singular#2: lucifers, as in “Have you seen the lucifers? I need a smoke!

#1: ghettoblaster, as in “Turn on the ghettoblaster! Let’s have some fun!!1!

(more…)

Advertisements

March 12, 2008 at 1:45 am 2 comments

But I didn’t have time to clean up!

So, you know when your dinner guests show up at your doorstep when you’re still cooking dinner, and dishes are pilling up everywhere and you didn’t have time to make the bed or put away all the dirty socks in the living room? Yeah… Turns out I’m hosting Carnival of the Green on Monday, and this blog is a mess!

So anyway, if you have an environmental themed post this week you’d like to show off, send me a link and short summary until Sunday. You can use my contact form or email carnivalofthegreen at gmail. Please to include the words “Carnival submission” in the subject line.

Oh and you just HAVE to watch this video, it’s hilarious… in a creepy, disturbing-because-it’s-true kind of way. Other than my weekly Friday Linkfest, that’s the extent of my posts on Celsias this month. I know, color me pathetic.

February 28, 2008 at 3:40 pm Leave a comment

Bless google search terms

Preface:

Dearest ClosetReaders, I know I am one big disappointment to you because of my constant disappearing tricks. Let me assure you, this blog will get back on track in 2 or 3 months, and then I will fulfill all my broken promises to you (I’d link to them, but they are so many) and this blog will be totally awesome.

Until then, I really can’t commit to anything more than a post here or there. If you want to be sure you don’t miss my rare spurts of brilliance, I strongly recommend you subscribe to the ClosetFeed or the ClosetEmail. Realistically, I won’t be cluttering your mailbox any time soon. In the meantime, here’s a little something for your amusement. I started writing it months ago. Chile, lets see if I can top your b00bs with this one.

——————————————–

Yeah, I know every blogger in the bloggyverse has done a post about google search terms. And somehow, I haven’t… until now! Which is a shame, because you wouldn’t believe the things people type in google. Unless you have a blog. And cool stats that tell you what have crazy folks been googling. So today is your lucky day.

I mean, some of the things make sense, I’ve written about Diva Cups here. And clogs. And kitty litter. And kitty litter toilet clogs (I get these a lot. Now, who, in their right mind, dumps kitty littler in the toilet?). And toilet paper. I also get plenty of things related to recycling and clothes, or even Get Fuzzy, which makes sense too. Now, this is where we begin to leave the realm of reason and I begin to wonder who dahell is googling this stuff, and most importantly… why? WHY?

Some are just amusing:

closet environmentalists – yep! that’s us

beautiful facts – plenty of those here! Like this one, or this one.

i love green clothes – well good for you. I love green clothes too. Not the color, the other kind. No, not money. The other kind. You know, the new black…

more than one cute cat in the same pic – its true, you can never have too many cute cats in the same pic. Because I’m such a giver:

funny pictures

One of my favorites is when people ask google for the answer to the major questions in life (and google then sends them here, MUAhAHAHaHAHA).

what happens if you tumble dry jeans tha – Well, you’ve come to the right place. Allow me to explain. When you tumble dry jeans, you use energy. Producing energy makes CO2. CO2 causes global warming. Global warming kills polar bears. So basically, every time a tumble drier dings, a polar bear loses his ice cap. And drowns. 😥

how do you get bowel movement stains out – been using Alli, eh? I’m so sorry. Just don’t use the tumble drier or that will be polar bear blood on your hands as well as sh!t in your pants.

why does my boyfriend wear big sweaters – Why indeed

why is russian fashion so ugly – another great question

does leather just come from cows – oh, no, honey, leather comes from the mall. Everyone knows that.

Are pesticides good for you on apples?? – yes. DDT is good for me-e-e!!1!

does pooing reduce cellulite? *headdesk*

how to butcher a cow – did you try eHow? Wait, here it is. You’re welcome.

how to get creative with ground beef – this better not be what it sounds like…

But then there are things that make me scratch my head and go “WTF??”

i milk my beef cow – couldn’t figure out how to butcher it, eh?

sucker cows, beef – oh yeah, only sucker cows go into beef. The smart ones escape The Meatrix…. Pause- NOT!

the drink in amsterdam that makes you se – oh damn you blog stats, I would pay good money to find out how this sentence ends. Is it dead people? Colors? Flying unicorns? Whatever it is, I’ll have 2 of those!

residue on suspicious packages – must be anthrax. Gotta be. Cocaine maybe? Or maybe powdered sugar. I think a taste test is the only way to know for sure. Edit: Hmm… 2 hits from this in one day… Should I be worried?

Honey Crappings and buying Honey Crappings – eh? Nevermind. I don’t think I want to know.

how is hardcore recycled & why use recycled hardcore – starting to think this post was named rather unfortunately… Naive little me

if i told you i don’t hate you – yes, you would be lying. Now get the f#c% off my blog.

And now for the biggest douche in the universe award:

trick girls to take off clothes

but wait… maybe douche succeeded:

they stole my clothes im naked

Believe me, it gets even more disturbing than this, but for your sake, I censored. Can’t you tell? I don’t want to attract the wrong crowds here. Not that it makes any difference now:

And this after all the effort I make to restrain myself? Fuck that!

What about my fellow bloggers? What kind of crazy does Google send you? Or are you by any chance responsible for any of the pearls above? Care to explain? Different ones, maybe? Please, do tell! I won’t mock you, I promise.

February 16, 2008 at 12:40 am 9 comments


Archives

June 2019
M T W T F S S
« Mar    
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Proudly achieved

  • 121,226 eye rolls since March 2007